The myth of THE ONE

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I know its June and its not the proper month to talk about this, but because its raining outside, its cold, my family is watching a soap, and I have nothing else to do.. I'll share to you a conversation I had with a friend which challenged my views and opinion about things. She was told, in one of her conversations with a male friend, that there's no particular person God assigned to each one of us, because it all boils down to our choice. In short, there's no such thing as "THE ONE". Let me just say that my friend is a mature and wisdom seeking Christian woman, and upon hearing this, she did not like what she heard. And I get her, (we) girls have been waiting on this person ever since the world began (okay, I exaggerated but ladies! you know what I mean) and hearing that, hurts. Not only was her principle about relationship been stepped on but it somehow affected her idea of God's character (because God is all-knowing and all powerful as we all know) . While she was telling me this story, my idea about relationship and love was challenged too. When she asked me about what can I say about it, I honestly have no answer. I told her, though I heard a preaching on that principle, I cannot comment on it because I have not asked God about it yet. So of course I pondered on it, prayed and sought wisdom. And so here goes my opinion..

My straight and simple answer is.. Only God knows. However, because this is a blog and I want all of us to be challenged and personally ask God what He has to say about it, I'll share to you a few things I picked up while seeking God's wisdom on this matter.

I personally believe that..

a. God doesn't take chances,

If God is involved in even in minute details of my life, I'm pretty much sure He would also be involved in my choosing of a spouse. With regards to a potential mate or not, He doesn't do things in random. God in His sovereign nature places specific people in our lives to create a character in us and to achieve an eternal purpose. However;

b. We are not forced to love them

It cannot be forced on us because the primary component of love is free will. Therefore, if God shows a potential mate, we are free to love them by God's standards or world's standards. (Please take time to read and chew on 1 corinthians 13:4-7 to know God's standards of love. And no, its obviously not what you see on TV, aka the world's standard.) Although there are people whose testimonies are love at first sight, I should not expect to magically fall in love with 'the one' upon first gaze. I certainly do not believe that there's a built-in love chip even if God chose a person specifically for me, things don't work that way. There will be no pixie dust, slow-mo, or whatever it is we see on TV. Chosen by God or not, love is not forced, it cannot be, otherwise there's no such thing as free will. If God did not force us to love him, then He wouldn't make us love another person either. So even if a mate is handpicked by God, I believe that this is where our choice comes in: we are free to love him/her conditionally or unconditionally.

c. Advancing God's Kingdom is more important than the question of "Who is the ONE for me?"

We may not be forced to love a potential spouse, but it doesn't mean that we don't need to seek God's wisdom and instruction when it comes to choosing a husband or wife. Ladies, and Gentlemen, if you believe that it's our choice to pick a spouse, please do not make that as an excuse to just date whoever you want to. Please act mature and seek God's heart. I read in a book that there are three (3) important M's we will have in our life: Master, Mate, Mission. This only shows that choosing a mate is not a game of darts, hit or miss. Pray for it, ask for opinion from your mature married friends. Does this person have the same vision, direction, and mission as you are? Do not take advantage of just anyone you find attractive. Please. And to those who believe that God handpicks a spouse, please don't just lie on your couch and wait for God to magically drop "Mr./Ms. Right" on your door step. You and I both know that miracle is never going to happen. Be productive in your season, do self improvements, grow in faith, wisdom, understanding and advance God's Kingdom wherever you are. Be involved in your community and surround yourself with healthy relationships romantic or not. With all the different love stories in the bible they have one thing in common, when they found the love of their life, they were not idle. Do not procrastinate in your season. Grow, work hard, and learn.

Understanding that marriage plays a big role in God's Kingdom and it's purpose is more than filling a "need" in a person's life changes our perspective from "me" focus to "God" focus. I don't mean that we should go awol on desiring marriage and be a monk. My point is, let's have a desire in advancing God's kingdom when pursuing a relationship. Answer the important questions such as; what is my intent in pursuing? are my thoughts and acts righteous before God? do we have the same mission, vision and direction in life? By answering these questions, I believe it will answer whether pursuing a certain relationship will advance God's kingdom or not.

Men shouldn't pursue a woman because she's physically attractive, looks gorgeous in a dress and just because she laughs at your jokes. Come on guys, we are a lot more than meets the eye, and your reason should be a lot more than that. And women, let's not date men because of his title at church, his financial status or because of other things that makes us feel secured and affirmed. That should come from Jesus alone. I mean let's be honest here, our reasons could be shallow too sometimes. Let us (that includes me) look at the person's direction rather than perfection.

I mean I know I'm not married and I know there are a lot of things I have yet to learn. I do not claim to be an expert here, but I think these are the basics that we need to know. And within my circle of family, friends, and acquaintances who are married, I see that those who sought God's Kingdom first, His righteousness, His wisdom and instructions, before and during courtship, experiences marriage / relationship in a much deeper level.

So there you have it, those the things that I could share to you. I may not have a concrete answer as to which is which, but I sincerely pray that you too, will seek God's wisdom on this matter. Open your bible and search for answers there. I do not want to limit the answer to which I think is right, however I believe that God is a good God and He will give wisdom to those who ask. (James 1:5) And please always remember you are loved. :)

God bless you!

With love,

Tin

"Has He said and will He not do it? or has he spoken and He not make it good?"- Numbers 23:19

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