Women, is it wrong to be dominant?

Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew I was different. While other girls around me are gentle and within the definition of what’s feminine, I wasn’t. I’ve always been strong and fierce in character. I’m always sure of my decisions and rarely asks for opinions. Having this personality has it’s advantages and disadvatages. I’m often given leadership roles because I know how to take charge, but people are often intimidated by the way I do things and by the way I relate to them. However as I came to know Christ and matured in my walk, my dominance isn’t as evident now as before. (Thank God for His grace!) But lately, I’ve had this question in my mind, “is it wrong to be dominant when you are a woman?” To answer this question, let’s go back first to the story of Adam and Eve where every distortion in this world is rooted. “The woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate it; she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭CSB‬‬ Hmmm.. did you see the problem there? What Eve did sounds very dominant to me. Instead of asking her husband, “Babe, the fruit is so shiny and beautiful whatcha think, should we eat it?” She didn’t. She just decided she wanted it, so she grabbed the forbidden fruit, took a bite and even had his husband have some too. Then the rest of the mankind fell into sin. Well it wasn’t at all Eve’s fault. You see, Adam did something wrong as well. He was passive. He should’ve said something like “Hey babe, I don’t think you should chit chat with a snake and  eat that shiny shimmering fruit that God forbids”. Instead of taking charge as the man in the relationship, he didn’t say a word. He just let Eve be. Both of them did something terrible that day, and what they did is still being repeated by us to this day. Dominance in women is a fruit of the fall. Before we go on any further, let’s define first the word Dominant. According to webster’s dictionary, here’s what it means ; DOMINANT adjectivedom·i·nant\-nənt\ A. commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others B. overlooking and commanding from a superior position Isn’t this what exactly what Eve did that day? Dominance is control and Eve exercised that by not asking her husband’s opinion. She just did what she feels like doing. By doing so, she showed superiority over him. When Eve did that, the rest of the women that lived after her have become hungry of superiority and have been controlling in many ways. Don’t you see it around you? Even movies portray it. Cruella Deville, Bellatrix Estrange, Ursula, Maleficent. All of these movie villains have something in common. They are portraying a manipulative and controlling character. All of which are cringe worthy, why? Because,  Dominance in women impacts people in a negative way Something about dominance in women just doens’t fit right in God’s design. And whenever women exercise dominance, something chaotic happens to people around them. Let’s look at the story of Jezebel as basis of what we are saying here, Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife incited him. (1 Kings 21:25) Oh how big influence of women are with men! Jezebel “incited” it means to stir up or to urge. And in the bible, Jezebel probably is one of the most terrifying and wicked women there is. Imagine urging your husband to do evil the in the Lord’s sight? If you’ll read the rest of the story in 1&2 Kings, you’ll get to know how terrible this woman is. Jezebel controlled and dominated Ahab but still, he did everything she wanted, because she was good at manipulating him. Oh how terrible Ahab’s life must be. Being pushed around by his wife. At the end of the story, what Jezebel did caused Ahab’s downfall and he paid his life as a price. But isn’t this exactly what Eve did in the beginning? She pushed around her husband too. We clearly see this in the world around today. Even Beyonce sings, “Who run the world? Girls!” But let’s not go far, this problem is at the roof of our own homes. Wives dominating their husbands. Not giving them the chance to shine in their respective roles as a man of the house. Commonly in our society, it’s always the women stepping out in leading the household. Not men. And this is one of the reasons why a lot of families today are dysfunctional. Because they are portraying roles different from God’s design. Women hide in their dominance When the first man and woman sinned, their immediate reaction is to hide why? Because they are afraid. Both of them hid from the Lord as if He doesn’t know where they are. Women still hide to this day, we hide in our dominance. We take over and take control of our relationships, our household, and just about everything around us because... we fear disappointment, we fear getting hurt, we fear rejection, we fear having to deal with insecurities, we fear risking our hearts. There’s so many things we are afraid about, so we hide. We try not to be vulnerable. Even I, myself is afraid of being vulnerable. We portray that image of strength. We take charge, take control just before everything else falls apart. Women avoid getting hurt this way, we put walls around us to protect and hide our fragile hearts.  Women can be strong but not controlling Strength can be shown in many ways, in nurturing relationships, in taking care of our household, in encouraging people, in fulfilling our God given roles. Women these days are so eager to prove themselves, with movements everywhere showing that we can do what men can do. To me this is distortion, a fruit of the fall. I don’t believe this is how God designed us because we are given certain roles, and in them we should shine. Just because we are not expected to do what men can do doesn’t mean we are lesser creations. No. We should trust the way God designed things and shine in the roles given to us as men and women. We can be strong but not controlling. We can be gentle and quiet and spirit (1 Peter 3:4) and still magnify strength to people around us. Because the strength of a woman lies on the amount of surrender she gives to her savior. She is strong when she lets men take care of her. Her strength is seen in the condition of her heart. She is strong when she opens up her heart and is vulnerable to her Lord. In conclusion So.. is dominance in women wrong? I believe that It’s wrong when we manipulate and control people and/or situations. For women, even steady and quiet ones could be controlling and manipulative too. It’s not about the personality, It’s about the misuse of control. That’s why we need to let go of too much control and that urge to prove ourselves to be superior beings. I guess for women with a dominant personality like me, it will take a lot of grace from the Lord to change. But nothing is impossible for those whose hearts are teachable.  Ladies, let us let men shine in their respective roles. It doesn’t mean we downplay our strengths when we are around them. But we should always keep in mind that we are created to reflect a heart that is gentle and quiet. Let us not hide in our dominance but let us have a heart surrendered to Jesus. Let’s be honest of the things we are afraid about, be it getting hurt, disappointed or rejected. By doing this, I believe we will shine in our feminity. Through this, we will all be sanctified and be changed from glory to glory.